No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
