the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
