no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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