u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
