Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she smelled like a LAN party
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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