he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
