We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you made out with another girl for some wings
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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