I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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