tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need water and some morals
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
