im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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