Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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