put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
