he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I touched a dick in church today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
