So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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