We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize