like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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