Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
