would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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