non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
