i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
