you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
