i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize