She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
