My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
