I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
