Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
