Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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