We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
