I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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