im about as happy as oj after his trial
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
