I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she pinky promised me she was 18
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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