this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
