I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
