Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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