I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've blown a few things in my day
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
