he thought i was a dude.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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