The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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