Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
