It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Randomize
