went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
