I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
