I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont even know how to be here
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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