gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
