can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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