they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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