His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
...so i touched it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
