she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize