i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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