omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Terrible idea I love it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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