My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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