haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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