Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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