chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
