Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
