alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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