My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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