We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
