fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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