Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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