I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
love makes seman taste better
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
