im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
