i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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