i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
