I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize